Assorted Thoughts

Unsettled and a bit lonely. Most people I know start their jobs tomorrow and I'm feeling left behind. Reality's hitting all of a sudden. People are moving on with their lives and I'm stuck taking this huge step back. I think it's back to the greenhouse for me.

At least I've got a few things to look forward to. I've got a ton of spare time suddenly to finish working on my room, and John's birthday is on the 3rd. Although seeing as he's at survey school for the next two weeks, chances are I won't really get to celebrate with him much anyway. But such is life. Colleen is coming for a visit on May long weekend so I'm hoping whatever work I find before then won't happen to fall on that weekend. Is it possible for time to move both too fast and too slow for your liking? Because I think that's happening to me.

So exams are all done. Still pretty stressy. As soon as I got home my Dad grilled me about cleaning my room. Can I not have one evening of peace? Particularly after my extended failure in the job department. Yes, that's right, I failed the only interview I got. The last thing I need right now is someone lecturing me about something as trivial as cleaning my room. It'll get done eventually, so what's the big deal? ARG ANGRY WORDS.

Sorry about the rant. I think it's a really good thing I only had 4 exams this semester, because clearly I can't handle anything much more than that for the time being. Please feel free to post your stress-related comments here. Let us rant together!

Busy busy busy. Wrote art history and it just about ate my soul but not quite. Why does studying make me so sleepy? It's not just boredom, it's physically exhausting. Today I went to Rutherford to study it up with 3 chicks from Italian. And dude, I was totally tutoring them. It made me feel smart but they don't know how useless I am at the oral stuff so HA I win. But also it helped me too.

I got a job interview! Finally!! Ok, now I feel a little better. Maybe these employers are just as much into procrastination as I am. Word up.

Feeling kind of down today. I was looking at the want ads and it hit me that I'm not gonna be getting any kind of decent job this summer. Anything I'm remotely interested in I'm not qualified for, because I don't have previous experience in the field, or because I don't have a degree yet. Maybe this was what my dad was trying to warn me about. So in summary I have no marketable skills to speak of, and am kind of a failure. Applying for jobs shouldn't upset me this much, really. So why does it make me want to curl up into a little ball and pretend I don't have to do this?

I'm starting to get ahead of myself here; with only 3 days left of school I'm already half in freedom mode. Which happens to be the opposite of work mode. Not really the best situation when I've got my first final (Italian oral) tomorrow, and a paper due Tuesday. But I'm basically done Propaganda 271 now (and I survived it!), and soc 224 classes have been cancelled, so really I think that's enough justification right there. You know, aside from the fact that I'm about 70 pages behind in anthro. And massively unemployed.

Panic mode hasn't quite woken up yet (quite like me). That's what next week is for (note - you may want to avoid me April 25-7). For now, things are pretty much just the way I want them. See you at the Beer Gardens, Poorna, you drunkard.

Spring has FINALLY decided to make an appearace. You're LATE, Spring. I expect more effort next year. The sunshiny joy was a nice touch, tho.

Pa's home now for good. A bit on the fussy side, but I kind of like taking care of him. It makes me feel responsible, getting him to eat healthy things and such. And proving to him I'll actually do some work around the house if I have the right motivation.

Still jobless. I'm going to apply to a couple jobs today. Starting to get a bit worried. Will I always be poor and unemployed? No! I will not let my arts degree fail me.

Went to the Globe on Friday night. Yay for being bought drinks! I haven't been dancing in about 9 million years but it was fun anyway. They played the Numa Numa song!! John looked at me kind of weird when I started singing along in Romanian or whatever the hell it's in. It doesn't get much better than that.